The good girls...

so as I'm sure a few of you have noticed (if not only two minutes ago) I changed my name/identity/whatever myspace calls it. reflecting the old "Nice guys finish last" with a new twist, "Good guys finish with the cleanest record". basically I figure it this way, the guys that get with the girls and may obtain good reputations usually end up without a good girl... the kind of girl guys wanna finish up with (hereinafter refered to as A girls ;)

So A girls are the ones all guys want to end up with. The ones who haven't been around the world (ya, not just the block) but could have. they are the ones who wanted to hang out, just cuz I'd be fun. They are the ones who made every guy think that they had a chance, but still could reject a guy without crushing him (and didn't deny us). They are the girls who surprise you when you hear what they did last weekend, but still keep thier innocence and appeal.

Now nice guys have a great reputation, they will take care of you at a party. they'll figure out how to make that horrible day a little better. They are the ones that get dumped because a girls isn't ready for a guy like them. They are the ones that will hold a debt over your head, not to make you owe them but to subtley remind you that you don't owe him, ever.

Now as far as my experiences go, A girls look for guys who know how to have fun but aren't just looking for a good locker room story (and they much prefere no locker room stories be shared about them). and they also look for guys who are selfless and would go out of thier way to help you.

SO, basically A girls look for nice guys, who sadly may feel like they're finishing last at the moment, but in the end will have the A girl they (and everyone else) has been wanting.

Can it? Will it? Could it?

Most likely no, no no never ever....... but why not? oh how life loves to bend me over and do things to me that are illegal everywhere but Amsterdam.... WHY?!?!?!


I know what I need, and that I can live without it.
I know what I want, and why I don't want it.
I know who you are, yet you're a complete mystery.
I think about you a lot and how it used to be.
I wonder if I could change what I choose, would I feel this way.

I know I've done some stupid stuff, but now I feel alone, it's been years since I felt this distanced from everyone I've had any feelings for. LIFE IS SO GAY!

and no, no comments on this one, sorry guys...I just dont feel like getting any more pissed...message me if you want

All My Life

To girl 1:
We were great and you know it. Something changed and I messed up and now the only time I've heard from you in about a year is because I was playing a joke.. I know something changed between us and I wish you would have been able to tell me. No I'm not jealous of your new boyfriend, he's a great guy and all and I'm glad you're with him. I know I did some stupid stuff but I miss our fun, the games you didn't enjoy, but loved to go to to be with me, I even wandered around the saturday market thinking about our trip. I really hope he works out, or whoever you find works out cuz you were so perfect, you deserve the best.

All my life I've been searching for somethin'
Somethin' never comes, never leads to nuthin'
Nothin' satisfies, but I'm gettin' close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope

To girl 2:
I doubt you will ever read this, considering the last words you've said to me. But, if you do read this send me a message back, I'd love to hear from you. I know you said it'd be best if I stopped talking to you, but I kinda miss you, it's been over a year now since you called last September. It was great to hear your voice again. I biked half way to your house over the Summer, but I figured you'd rather not see me. Yea, I've had relationships in the past year and they've been fun, but nowhere near as serious as with you. I'm sure you remember the night at bridgeport as kiddish and naive, and no doubt it was, but I gotta admit I've never been happier then those few months. And no I'm not begging for you back, no I'm not asking you to come hang out, I'd just like to talk to you again, as a friend, catch up on the last year and maybe hang out at starbucks for hours. But like I said I don't expect you to even get this, or read this or pay any attention to this. I'm just reminiscing, Hope you found what you were looking for.

All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around, and it's takin'away
Leaves me with the feelin' that I fear the most
Feel it come to life when I see your ghost

To girl 3:
I still don't understand what you are looking for. If I was there I was what you wanted, if I wasn't you went for other guys. And finally it was broken off, and I do feel bad for coming back and complicating things, I just wanted to make sure your mind was made up, and I hope whoever you choose is making you happy. Because if he isn't you need to find someone who does, I hung around your friends for a whole day cuz it made you happy that I was there, and I hope other guys want to do that too.

Calm down, don't you resist
Your such a delicate rist
And if i give it a twist
Somethin' to hold when I lose my grip

To girl 4:
Ya I loved the way I could take the upper hand, but sometimes I wish you could have stepped up acted like the older, more mature woman, you are. Honestly I'm glad you found another guy. As nice as being bought back sounds, I think you need to take charge and make some decisions, it'll help you more then you know to just get used to being the superior. It's going to be fun to see you again someday, find out how far you've made it, and sooner to see how much better I was then them :-p

Will i find something in there,
to give it just what it needs
another reason to bleed
One by one, Hidden up my sleeve

To the girls I didn't go out with:
1) Ahhhhh you played me for 4 years and still have me in the palm of your hand, I'm glad we still can talk and that you trust me. Maybe someday we can get that coffee.

Hey, don't let it go to waste
I love it but, i hate that taste
Weight keeping me down

2) You have a way of making me smile, even when I'm already having a good time teasing my sister you make it that much better.

Will I find the believer
Another one who believes
Another one to decieve
Over and over, down on my knees

3) Distance just doesn't work, so i wish you didn't move away, you were on prolly the saddest day of my life, and I thank you for being so nice and introducing me to other people.

If I get any closer, I
And if you open up wide
And if you let me inside
On and on, I've got nuthin' to hide

4) You were the farthest away and we only had one date, but that was a fun dance, and I'm sorry for how it abruptly ended, and I really wanted to make it up to you, but things didn't work out that way, but you're having fun in the sun now.

Done, done, and I'm on the next one
Done, i'm done, and I'm on to the next ...
Done, done; on the next one
Done, I'm done; i'm on to the next one

Try and figure those out :-p

Oh man....

So school has finally started in Oregon (actually we're already on our 2nd week...:-p) and ya LIFE UPDATE TIME haha so as many of you know I've retired from the sport of swimming, and yes all the horror stories are true, you do get fat, but if you keep working out you should be ok. in 6 short months I've already climbed the ladder of lard and broken the 200 barrier. Thank God I don't look too bad though.
anyways about college, I'm going to OSU and ya, it's raining, but i think I'll like it here, I may not have quite as much freedom as last year, but it's enough and I think I learned some stuff over the summer that'll keep me focused this year. My classes are unbearably pathetic, I think my elective classes will be the places I learn the most.
As far as girlfriends and what not goes, there are a few prospects, and one way out infront, but a few factors really mess with that and I'm not sure what I want (ya ok guys...I know that's the girl thing to say, but seriously, it like hit me pretty hard this last month that I'm prolly gonna meet my future wife here, or something related to here so I dont know if I want the instant gratification sort of relationship or the one that's just perfect, and sometime I really can't tell the difference)
Ithink I'm also going to have to add a car update... well just a car section in general because over the summer I bought a 1987 Toyota Celica GT (no she doesn't have a name yet so sugstions are welcome) anyways the only background u need to know is the poor thing is totally stock, down to the speakers when I got it, replaced all the speakers with some cheap ones that work, only to have my deck go out this past weekend while nearly flying down 99..... by that i mean the poor 4 cyl. engine was pumping at 4500 rpm and I was zipping along at 110 (and I laughed at mapquest's 1:05 when I showed up in a little over :30) so now I have to replace that... oh well $100 bucks and I should be set.
not sure what else there is to say so peace!

Could be worse

ok so What makes a bad date? hmmmmm how about no phone, girls complaining and extreme awkwardness.... ok no phone mean no numbers, means no more. Girls complaining means you fail, they'd rather be with other ppl and no more. And awkwardness speaks for it'self.... damnit, I thought it was gonna be easy.

You know what would be awesome, if they felt the same way and wanted a more...just me sort of date

:( sadness

So I'm spending my last minutes at Hiedi's house writing this cuz I just thought of something and it really sucks, we dont always have an 'easy road' to walk down.... in fact most of the time there is no such thing as an easy road... just a bunch of hard ones. and it seems like sometimes no matter what you choose it'll be wrong, but I'm learning that just cuz it's hard doesn't mean it's wrong. it could be what you have to do, and who knows maybe it'll work out even better later, like in another year or something... I dont know, but I do know how I feel and that's all that really matters now.

The Legend

decisions

I've always wondered what leads us to choose what we do. i guess it's all based on what will make u happy, some people base it on temporary happiness, and others base it on thier long term goals, but either way, it's what they want. what i wanna say is that if u have a long term goal and u want it more then anything else, make all your short term decisios to get u closer to that goal. even if it means not being quite as happy in the short run, but if your other goal is really that important then u should relize that if u want that goal u have to give up other things.

Take a toy when u were a kid for example, u had an allowance and ur mom said u have to save up for it if u really want it. so u start saving and when u have most of the money (but not all) u see something else hat u wanna have, and u have enough money for it, so u buy it, but u still want the other toy so u start saving again. now after a few more weeks u could have had enough money for the toy u really wanted, but now u dont, and u have another toy that in't as good.

so u see, maybe u were happy when u got ur new toy, but if u would have given up that toy for the one u really wanted u could have had it. and it's possible that u will sav up the money next time and u may have gotten ur short erm happiness and ur long term happiness, but not everything works that way... the toy may become out of stock or the price raised, and it's the same with anything else in ife, give me an example and i'll show u

Love(maybe part 2.. i dont remember)

so recently i've been thinking about love... not all that hard to..... but i get to thinking about what love is, and i'm no amazing prodigy (guess i'm too old anywys) cuz I can't think up an easy explination. so i'll just do my best.

Love,
It's feeling exactly what she's feeling, and doing everything you can to fix it
It's waking up to her call in the middle of the night and talking to her till she feels better.
It's leaving her things to smile about where she doesn't expect them
It's surprising her at every chance you get
It's giving her more then you ever expect to get back
It's realizing you want to be with her, and only her
It's giving up your saturday night with the guys cuz she wants to watch the notebook
It's wanting to spend the rest of your life with her
It's never giving up on her
It's doing what she wants when she wants
It's finding a way to make her smile
And it's amazing

been a while / update

soooo basically iwas reminded that i haven't wrtten a blog ina long time and i thought u all might wanna know aittle bit about what's going on in my life. i have finals this next week so this week is filled with studying and stress and sleepless nights... hey y'd u think i'm writing at 1:30 in the moring.... not doing all that great in my classes, but no u cant blame ur grades on a bad role model. but u can blame goodgrades on me... i odnt mind that.

anyways what brought this blog about was a guy that i barely gotthe chance to meet, he posted a little stid bit on telling people how u feel about them..... well geeze... prolly the earliest i've ever seen anyone catch that... now if he can do it,he'll be so far ahead of the game, e could prolly land a nice 25 year old buisness woman .....yea a rch one:-p haha no but seriously, if he figures out how to tell people everything n the right way, he can go so far. I hope no1 gets offended by this because seriously it's not ment to, but if u tell some1 something straight from the startu may not exactly like the immediate results, but it'll save alot down the road a bit. try it guys... good relationships, nothing is hidden, only the surprises are withheld. I'm sure i've talked about Rob before (he was my youth group leader that actually connected with me) he has told me ALOT and thank God just about every day for him cuz he's helped me talk to so many people that i'd have to clue what to say, but because of him ino the basic line of what i can say. Anyways he once told me one of the things that he knows really helped him... it was along the lines of living with integrity, he sad that hetells his wife about anything that could possibly be wrapped around to be turned agains him. he sad basicallty "u gotta only do what u should be doing and cover ur butt". if he writes an emal of encouragement to a girl and in there he says anything about how good of a person she is, he will foward a copy to his wife just so that she knows what he is doing. I hope I can do that for my wife and that we will make it until death because of it...

ummm yea that's all for now, gotta go finish up writing about how BF Goodrich made some brakes they knew didn't wrk at all, and still sold them to the government... not a smart idea if u ask me...


email me if u want anthing!
Cam

what’d you expect?

Man… I haven't had any good thoughts for a while so I'll elaborate on something I told Shellie, or that Shellie read, that I said… "What'd you expect?" When you think it through, what do you really expect out of anything? To start, expectations are way different than hopes. Hopes are more of an idealistic view on what could happen. Expectations are what should happen. So now rethink about something that you are investing in; emotionally, physically, however you look at it. Now think about what is supposed to happen, what you really see happening in your head as this thing goes on. Ok got it? Is it reasonable? Because, if it's not reasonable then it's not what you expect. So now that you've come to terms with what you believe, isn't what's gonna happen (or has happened) what you expected

F (pronounced: "efffffffff")

One of the greatest feelings is waking up knowing someone loves you, similarly one of the worst is waking up realizing you should be loved, but you're not; that you did everything right and put it out there and it was picked up, inspected, enjoyed, and then rejected. Today has been up and down, realizing that I am what some girls are going to be looking for, but then I start to think about how I found one that enjoyed me, and I enjoyed her, but life screws me over again and she isn't one for a relationship. What is it about girls that don't want to have a boyfriend? Do I just send signals that I don't want a girlfriend either and so they join with me in a mutual single relation? It really pisses me off, when did girls decide that they want to stay single? (Controversy right here :) I mean are they all wanting to be sluts, but making it legit because they don't have a boyfriend. It's bull, I'm still waiting for a girl that really cares for me the way I care for her, and after 20 years, I've only found one girl who did for a little over a year, in the grand scheme of things, ladi-fucking-da, no offence, but after her I've been cheated on (more than once, by more than one girl), left for ex boyfriends (that didn't end up working out), used, (I mean it sounds like I'm a chick, but when does this ever happen to a guy? ) I'm ready for something real, and not the pathetic immature fun times that I keep finding.

Sometimes

You have to wonder what God was thinking when he made it possible for people to fall in love with people they're not ment for. I mean sure this whole free will thing is nice, but the world would be better if kids always had a dad and hearts were never smashed. at least once a month, someone who was true in a relationship gets screwed by someone just passing the time. I mean, look at it, same story keeps happening, over and over with the occasional mutal senario. what is up with that? There are some very good reasons why I stay single and watching this happen over and over is one of the main ones. I don't want to be either person so as much as it sucks, sometimes, being so close to a relationship and yet not doing anything about it, I know it could be worse.

So for all you going through shit right now I'm sorry!and I hope you feel better soon.

seasonal depression

Where'd you go I miss you so seems like it's been forever you've been gone ...... dedicated to Coach Chris Givens 12/26/05 I remember that weekend, practices ran normally and the only thing different was you weren't on deck as usual after practice. Someone said you ran out without saying anything, Link told me that he felt pains in his chest and decided to go home. The next day I show up to practice and Chris isn't around, before we get in Link told everyone he went to the hospital but should be fine, I'm sure we all half believed him. The next day he slipped into a coma... Coach said he'd be ok, but a select few of us got to talk to coach, we knew Chris was in bad shape, and he let us know, an emergency support group was set up if you will, but he only told the ones he believe could hide their fear, lead the kids who knew Chris the best, and set an example for everyone else in this time. The next day he was dead. Practice was slow, especially for those who didn't know until showing up. Only a few short days later we had our memorial service, closed down the pool and everything. People turned out from all over north America and Mexico, he was that great. The speakers read their pieces and swimmers left half told stories to the imagination as they drifted off in tears and left the podium crying. We all got the picture, a random bum could have walked in and realized it. No guy looked at another, we all had dignity, even if you held it back, we all cried that day. The power of seeing 3 guys that you hold as some of the mentally toughest guys all dripping tears is an experience I never want to feel in that way again. The man who has looked me in the eye and burned the words he yelled of focusing and self control into my memory now can't hold a stare without a sea of sadness swelling up. Chris had something we all wanted, the ability to be anything that was needed, the expert on life's problems or the funny old man pointing out the cute girls on deck for us. If anyone needed anything Chris would've been the one to give it to them

Motivation

these past 2 weeks have been pretty rough; going to bed between 3 and 4 and waking up between 6 and 7, doing homework until I go to bed and as soon as I wake up. but I've gotten almost everything that needs to be done accomplished. all that work was to raise a grade from 35 to 75% and allowing me to get a 95 in the class. now in the next two days I have to study to pull off the biggest turn around ever. I had 3 failing classes out of 3 core classes, if I do well on the finals thursday I will pass 3/3. with a half-decent GPA too.

What made me do this? all my friends. from the ones here almost getting pissed at me for failing, to all the ones still in highschool that I saw over break that really looked up to me and didn't believe I was doing that bad. So thanks to all of you. And if I ever fall behind like that I'll come to you guys. And If you ever fall behind I owe it to you to help you out :)

Later guys, gotta friend's bday dinner to go to

Good guys finish last

alrighty, so this one is for about the guys who feel like they cant get a girl no matter how nice they are


so this is kinda a bit of a change for me... ok a big change, after last night (which i spent with a very smart kid) i realized that it's alright that i'm not on the top of people's lists to date. she told me that there are 2 kinds of guys. dating guys, and marrying guys. as u can probably guess the dating guys get all the girls all the time cuz they are the kind of guys that girls wanna be with. uhhhh yea she said more about them, but u can just ask me about that if u want. the marrying guys are the guys who girls are kinda scared of going out with cause breaking up with them is gonna be 10 times harder then breaking up with the other type.see they know that the other type is prolly gonna screw up again, so as soon as they dont wanna be with them anymore, they'll bring up everything the guy did to hurt them and it becomes easier to leave them. so all of the marrying kinda guys basically get screwed cuz they get closer to girls then even thier boyfriends do, but the girl is too scared to be with them. now for my disclaimer: that's not a bad thing girls, i mean if ur not ready to stop dating then dont stop. but for the guys... just wait, yea it sucks and it'll prolly stay te same way for a looooong time, but some day soon enough those girls will want a deeper relationship, and guess who is thier logical choice? you.. the dude who's been there everytime she cried, didn't stop talking to her after she told u the one thing that she hides from every1 else, and always knew how to make her feel better. yea... and to u girls... please dont get married before u feel like that. it'll screw u over and that guy who was close to u. ummm yea that' pretty much all i have to say. like i said she's a smart girl...

so prety much even though it really sucks, guys, just keep going, even if it's not the one you were hoping for who comes into ur life a the right time, some1 will... that's all u gota know

i cant sleep nd i've been waiting to write these down so here goes....

"there are only 2 things that can keep us from success, our mind and our bodies. either we dont thin we can do soething or we give out bfore we compete the task."
--There are two things that can keep you from reaching your complete potential, your mind and your physical ability. I have worked my body to exhaustion so that I am the only one who can stop me.


-If you knew you couldn't fail, what would u attempt?


What is it that keeps us omming back? We try, we fail, we start again. Is it because we are scaed of ending with a failure? Or is there more to it? Is it like an addiction? Or is it a real need? And why do we settle for what we dont want? If we want an apple, we should reach to the top of the tree. Get what we want. It's soo much better.
-To every1 who is stuck with a bad apple, drop it and start loking for that best one.

sometimes

Current mood: envious

the world bends u over and really screws u over, and it usually happends right when ur most proud of urself. like when u think u've got things planned out, something comes at u from even farther out then left feild... like from the stands or somthing... pegs u in the head and knocks u out, then someone else usually gets to steal ur thunder (continung with the baseball analogy) after it bouces of ur head some other guy grabs the ball and makes the big play and ends up living happily ever after while u roll around in the dirt trying to get back on ur feet again , but u'll always feel that ball hitting u on the head over and over.

my advice

soooooo basically i was talking to some girls here at Mines tha's i've gotten to know pretty well and i learned something. most girls wanna be aproched. yea guys that means u gotta man up and grow some balls, but dont try too many times. anyways i was askng about a friend of mine who has a chance with one of these girls and doesn't really know it. she told me that pretty much every guy has a chance with pretty much every girl..... ok for all the gujys reading this i'm gonna repeat that with some emphises.... almost EVERY guy has a CHANCE with almost EVERY GIRL.yea that means that if you present it all right, you have a good chance at getting with the girl u've always wanted. so go for it!

been awhile... update and stuff

sooooo it's been over a month since i left oregon and i have to admit that as much as i love it here, oregon is pretty amazing and i cant wait to come back. Tonight I took my first exam.... EEWWWWWW... calc wasn't ever fun, but now I dont like exams because of calc.... and I said I was gonna write a blog on life philosophies so here's my littlle snipit on that:

so below are the sweet philosophies that i've gotten, basicly as the all say that life goes on and pretty much it sucks, but you gotta continue cuz that's what we do, and while we're at it, we might as well try to make something of it and try to be remembered. but if we fail dont worry :-p

take it for what it's worth:
You live, you learn (somethimes) and a lucky few get to make a difference in the world before we all die

Van wilder: dont take life too seriously You'll never get out alive

Life is a %#!+ sandwitch. And you have to take a big bite out of it every day. But the more bread you have, the less %#!+ you have to take.

soooo yea this really isn't all that great of a blog but w/e at least i write.... well i'll talk to u all later

PEACE

Aloha dreams

When I 5 I used to ride and play with the kids next door,
then our parents came to take us away and drag us off to school.
Now I'm done an' it feels pretty fun cuz I love to party and chiill,
but I'm about to go and I wish time went slow cause I got a check box to fill.

See I have this past that seems to last only when I'm about to go through,
I'm always late cuz I stop to debate every action that I'm about to go do.
I was in her position, it felt like mass competition, but I got shoulderd and burned.
I want her to win, but I can't give in, cause it would show that I just hadn't learned.

So I'll keep it inside and it will hide, maybe for a year or two,
untill we have the time and and I gotta dime for all the stuff that we'd do.
I'll put on an act and make it look like a fact by pretending that everything's fine,
But in my hart you have a great part, and i'll fight 'till victory's mine!

Save Tonight

Current mood: wishin' and thinkin'

Go on and close the curtains
cause all we need is candle light
You and me and a bottle of wine
going to hold you tonight
Well we know I'm going away
and how I wish, I wish it weren't so
So take this wine and drink with me
let's delay our misery

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

There's a log on the fire
and it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
to take me away it's true
It ain't easy to say goodbye
darling please don't start to cry
Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
Save tonight
Save tonight
Save tonight


the essence of how i feel right there, i've been ready to get out of here forever, i guess i just imagined every1 comming with me. the Atari's got it right when they sang In This Diary: "here in this diary i write you visions of my summer. it was the best i ever had....and that unspoken feeling of knowing that right now is all that matters.... i guess when it comes down to it, being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up" I'm finding out quickly now that i'm leaving and all this fun i've been having is about to change, i'll still have fun, and i'll prolly have more fun, but i'll be away from most every1 i want to be with right now. but in the wise words of bruse hornsby "That's just the way it is"

a time for goodbyes

man, it seems like i've known some ppl forever, and i've had plenty of time to hang out with them and all, but i dont think i'll ever have enough time to say goodbye to every1. so, for all of u who i wont have a chance to spend some time with, i'm sorry, and it's not like i forgot about u. i hate this, i mean it's not like i'll never be back around, but it possible i wont ever see u again.

Call me before i leave. mk?

it's been a while

Current mood: Life's waiting to begin...

good song...but, umm life update. getting ready to leave this place called home and start a new life in Golden Colorado. me and my room mate are pretty stoked about it. not the leaving home part, but the starting a new life. i got s week left untill crunch time and basicly then i'll be uber-stressed as i get ready to go, so i may need a few calls to give me a break from the stress. ummm o i went on a few bike rides recently, put up a chin up bar in my basement and dug out my make-shift ab slide. so yea, been working out, 2 hour bike rides relive alot of tention and are really fun when u have no idea where ur going. oh and call me up and let me know if u wanna tag along, i'd love company. ahh what else.... well i guess that's it.


but for all of u who love my words of wisdom here goes. pretty much i have had one of the best summers of my life, i've found the older u get the more fun life gets (untill ur old and become a workaholic, but i'll try to never tlet that happen to me) and this summer i've done alot of things i kinda regret, and i kinda regret not doing alot of things. so i basicly have a delima, but it feels alot better to regret doing something then to regret not doing something.
The Why: If you regret doing something it means that u took advantage of a situation, but it didn't turn out as good as u wanted it to. altho if u dont do something and look back on that time and really regret not doing it, you should have done it. u only live once and every second that passes u cannot ever recover (ummm, but if u ever do figure out a way to recover those seconds let me know). so yea in the great words of nike advertising:

Just Do It

;)

it's summer

well i made it, my dad made a song back when he was in highschool call "you made it" it was about memories of growing up, and then finally making it to that big goal, graduating :) anyways i just had that song stuck in my head, even tho i haven't heard it since i have been in high school, but owell i still kinda remember it. and it got me thinking about how fun it's been, and how much i have to lok foward to.

as most of you know I'm goiong to the Colorado School of Mines this fall. it's in Golden, CO and i think i may settle out there for a while, oregon is a great place, and i wont ever forget it, but i wanna see more of the US at least, maybe even some of canada (and if i find myself with a traveling girl, europe) but as for right now, i'm going to colorado and livinthere for the next 4 years at least.
along with that is the goodbyes i have to give. the hardest ones aren't even the ones u'd expect, i mean my parents and family, i'll see them again for sure.... so haha to all u who said family... but that leaves friends. i've had a few friends for a long time, and saying goodbye to them isn't gonna be all that hard for some reason, i mean we've dreamed of this time together and so we knew pretty much how it was gonna play out... so that means best friends are out :-p... then there are my decent friends at school, who all seem to be younger then me, o well, anyways with my sister still in school and actually having good relations with my teachers, i'll be back, so i'll see them again, and maybe in the next years those will; be hard ones, but not right now... so good friends are out.... and now for the unveiling of it all..... it's to all the people like me going off to college, and ino that i wont ever see some of these ppl again, and i wish i had gotten to get to know them alittle more, but now it's too late. like sean, he's pretty much gone already, and it garunteed that i'm gonna see him in january if not before, but it's kinda sad that i swam with him for so long, and i only really started to get to know him this year with freedom fridays and such, and to lindsey and matt, u2 are some of the coolest ppl to hang out with and i truly hope that we can get back together in the futre and have a good time again.

and now on to less depressing issues, like how my life is going.... it's pretty good, i'm just living however life decided to lay out my day, and it's pretty nice not worrying about all the little things with school. i've just about checked out of swimming, i mean i'm still gonna going to practices and working my butt off cuz that's big in my life, but if i miss practice for a friend, i'm not gonna sweat it much cuz i know coach can only do so much to me, and i'm outta here soon enough.

so now that ur all caught up on my mind-rants it's tme for me to say goodbye for now and if u ever need me, lemme know, and if u want me to wite about some topic for u, let me know that too, i'll be glad to do it

later guys
Cam

Regrets

but sometime, somewhere u did something u wish u could go back and change. most of the time u feel bad , and it kills u inside becuase u may have said something that wasn't true but u thought u ment it, or maybe u did something and it totally twisted around and screwed u over now, and u have no idea y. well those things suck, yea... they really do, but uno that u have to keep going, so u have to figure out the best way to get over it. the way i've found is to basicly roll with the punches, just as every disicion has consequences, every action has a result, and u have to live with that result, so it's best not to think about how life woulda been different if things didn't happen the way they did, because they did happen, and life is still worth living, i promise... time is still ticking and no matter how badly u wish for something to change, time only goes foward, so u have to live with what u've got.

if u've made a mistake, do ur best to fix it, but know that nothings goingto go back to the way it was, and if u see some1 starting to do what u did, and uno what gonna happen to them, try to explain what will happen, dont try to control thier life, just try to make them wiser.... i hope maybe some1 can read this blog and become a bit wiser.....

My song: Times like these - Foo Fighters

I am a one way motorway
I'm the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I'm a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone

Its times like these you learn to live again
Its times like these you give and give again
Its times like these you learn to love again
Its times like these time and time again

I am a new day rising
Im a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?

Its times like these you learn to live again
Its times like these you give and give again
Its times like these you learn to love again
Its times like these time and time again

yea pretty much the story of my life.....

the way i see it

so a verry few of u know how i see "fate", "karma", and "destiny". in this life we are given choices, no 1 can dispute that, the thing that gets everybody is y things happen to us the way they do, y we are matched with a certian person, or y we get a lucky break...well i believe in God, without God, tons of stuff would be completely unexplainable, but with him, everything is.

y we are matched with people: if we are matched up with some1 that breaks our heart or what not, we often wonder y it happend to us and my explination, is that at least the other person learned something from u (and chances are u could learn something from them too), and as hard as it is to not get everything u want, thats not what u2 met for, it was just a tiny line on the blueprint of our lives, and where the line ends, so does that relationship.

and about the whole lucky breaks / karma thing: there are consequences to every action, some actions lead to rewards way down the road, but by the time they happen, u completely forgot it was comming. kinda like finding that 20 dollar bill in ur pocket... i mean u obviously put it in ur pocket sometime, and u knew it was there, but u forgot about it, and then it pops up :)

so pretty much what i'm saying is that everything happends for a reason and every choice we make will affect us down the road sometime. sometimes we wish things could be clear for us, but i think it's justr better that we just live for now...

One of those times...

ever had one of those days/times when u just cant finish, or u cant be good enough... well this is kinda like that, i'm totally lost, i'm cleaning my room, for pretty much no reason, but i feel like i have to keep going.. i feel like i'm not doing something that's supposed to be done.. i just plain dont get it. this feeling really blows, i mean every1 need that accomplished feeling, and u cant get it if some1 is beating u.. but in my case there really isn't ne1, i just cant succeed :-/ i think i'm gonna stop so i can stop by aloha durring lunch tmrw.



i think i figured it out, i'm finding all these old things in my room that i passed by when i moved down here, or have been brought in her after i moved in, that totally remind me of my failures, i got this ribbon from sophmore year swimming districts, where pat out touched me by a tiny bit, but he got to go to state and i didn't. then there are old pictures of me and my old girlfriend that she gave back to me :-/ ...the room smells like vanilla.... so yea this is a pretty crappy feeling, if u ever start to feel this way, get away from things that remind u of ur old failures and do something new...