it's summer

well i made it, my dad made a song back when he was in highschool call "you made it" it was about memories of growing up, and then finally making it to that big goal, graduating :) anyways i just had that song stuck in my head, even tho i haven't heard it since i have been in high school, but owell i still kinda remember it. and it got me thinking about how fun it's been, and how much i have to lok foward to.

as most of you know I'm goiong to the Colorado School of Mines this fall. it's in Golden, CO and i think i may settle out there for a while, oregon is a great place, and i wont ever forget it, but i wanna see more of the US at least, maybe even some of canada (and if i find myself with a traveling girl, europe) but as for right now, i'm going to colorado and livinthere for the next 4 years at least.
along with that is the goodbyes i have to give. the hardest ones aren't even the ones u'd expect, i mean my parents and family, i'll see them again for sure.... so haha to all u who said family... but that leaves friends. i've had a few friends for a long time, and saying goodbye to them isn't gonna be all that hard for some reason, i mean we've dreamed of this time together and so we knew pretty much how it was gonna play out... so that means best friends are out :-p... then there are my decent friends at school, who all seem to be younger then me, o well, anyways with my sister still in school and actually having good relations with my teachers, i'll be back, so i'll see them again, and maybe in the next years those will; be hard ones, but not right now... so good friends are out.... and now for the unveiling of it all..... it's to all the people like me going off to college, and ino that i wont ever see some of these ppl again, and i wish i had gotten to get to know them alittle more, but now it's too late. like sean, he's pretty much gone already, and it garunteed that i'm gonna see him in january if not before, but it's kinda sad that i swam with him for so long, and i only really started to get to know him this year with freedom fridays and such, and to lindsey and matt, u2 are some of the coolest ppl to hang out with and i truly hope that we can get back together in the futre and have a good time again.

and now on to less depressing issues, like how my life is going.... it's pretty good, i'm just living however life decided to lay out my day, and it's pretty nice not worrying about all the little things with school. i've just about checked out of swimming, i mean i'm still gonna going to practices and working my butt off cuz that's big in my life, but if i miss practice for a friend, i'm not gonna sweat it much cuz i know coach can only do so much to me, and i'm outta here soon enough.

so now that ur all caught up on my mind-rants it's tme for me to say goodbye for now and if u ever need me, lemme know, and if u want me to wite about some topic for u, let me know that too, i'll be glad to do it

later guys
Cam

Regrets

but sometime, somewhere u did something u wish u could go back and change. most of the time u feel bad , and it kills u inside becuase u may have said something that wasn't true but u thought u ment it, or maybe u did something and it totally twisted around and screwed u over now, and u have no idea y. well those things suck, yea... they really do, but uno that u have to keep going, so u have to figure out the best way to get over it. the way i've found is to basicly roll with the punches, just as every disicion has consequences, every action has a result, and u have to live with that result, so it's best not to think about how life woulda been different if things didn't happen the way they did, because they did happen, and life is still worth living, i promise... time is still ticking and no matter how badly u wish for something to change, time only goes foward, so u have to live with what u've got.

if u've made a mistake, do ur best to fix it, but know that nothings goingto go back to the way it was, and if u see some1 starting to do what u did, and uno what gonna happen to them, try to explain what will happen, dont try to control thier life, just try to make them wiser.... i hope maybe some1 can read this blog and become a bit wiser.....

My song: Times like these - Foo Fighters

I am a one way motorway
I'm the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I'm a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone

Its times like these you learn to live again
Its times like these you give and give again
Its times like these you learn to love again
Its times like these time and time again

I am a new day rising
Im a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?

Its times like these you learn to live again
Its times like these you give and give again
Its times like these you learn to love again
Its times like these time and time again

yea pretty much the story of my life.....

the way i see it

so a verry few of u know how i see "fate", "karma", and "destiny". in this life we are given choices, no 1 can dispute that, the thing that gets everybody is y things happen to us the way they do, y we are matched with a certian person, or y we get a lucky break...well i believe in God, without God, tons of stuff would be completely unexplainable, but with him, everything is.

y we are matched with people: if we are matched up with some1 that breaks our heart or what not, we often wonder y it happend to us and my explination, is that at least the other person learned something from u (and chances are u could learn something from them too), and as hard as it is to not get everything u want, thats not what u2 met for, it was just a tiny line on the blueprint of our lives, and where the line ends, so does that relationship.

and about the whole lucky breaks / karma thing: there are consequences to every action, some actions lead to rewards way down the road, but by the time they happen, u completely forgot it was comming. kinda like finding that 20 dollar bill in ur pocket... i mean u obviously put it in ur pocket sometime, and u knew it was there, but u forgot about it, and then it pops up :)

so pretty much what i'm saying is that everything happends for a reason and every choice we make will affect us down the road sometime. sometimes we wish things could be clear for us, but i think it's justr better that we just live for now...

One of those times...

ever had one of those days/times when u just cant finish, or u cant be good enough... well this is kinda like that, i'm totally lost, i'm cleaning my room, for pretty much no reason, but i feel like i have to keep going.. i feel like i'm not doing something that's supposed to be done.. i just plain dont get it. this feeling really blows, i mean every1 need that accomplished feeling, and u cant get it if some1 is beating u.. but in my case there really isn't ne1, i just cant succeed :-/ i think i'm gonna stop so i can stop by aloha durring lunch tmrw.



i think i figured it out, i'm finding all these old things in my room that i passed by when i moved down here, or have been brought in her after i moved in, that totally remind me of my failures, i got this ribbon from sophmore year swimming districts, where pat out touched me by a tiny bit, but he got to go to state and i didn't. then there are old pictures of me and my old girlfriend that she gave back to me :-/ ...the room smells like vanilla.... so yea this is a pretty crappy feeling, if u ever start to feel this way, get away from things that remind u of ur old failures and do something new...

Faith

no this isn't a mustard seed faith blog.. but i'll get on that again this week, this one is about how God comes thru in crazy ways, like in my last blog i mentioned God being able to do nething for me and that something was comming, well, like friday, i was driving back from my visit to the school, and i realized that i had 5 dollars.. yea total, like maybe another few bucks in change around my room, but i couldn't even by a meal at mcdonals with my money... so i got really stresed and started to freak out cuz i was gonna have to barrow money from my parents to keep going till i got some money. so i sat down and just prayed cuz with graduation comming up along with summer, i really need to be able to not worry. well crazily enough, a $65 check came in the mail for me cuz of a rebate i totally forgot about so i was like thanks God, uno cuz i kinda need that money, and then saturday i was at a grad party and just hanging out nd my bro calls me up and asks if i'm availible to work the 2nd half of this week, so needless to say i was like umm sure! so God totally hooked me up and is watching out for me. now about the big issue going on, uno if God chose her and i to be together, he'll have kept us good and we wont skip a beat with our relationship, but if God just threw me in there to be a friend when she needed it most, and didn't inend for us to go all the way, then i trust he'll work that out too, and set me up with another really awesome girl. but i think i'm gonna be finding out his plan soon enough.

The Park

God knows every thought that runs thru each of our minds, and right now, he's gotta be flooded with a thousand questions i have. but today i deced to go to the park and just sit by the fountain and watch all the little kids run around in the water. well i started thinking and thinking and well i kept thinking for a long time, and i dont remember what exactly was thought of, but when i finished i decided that i dont want to change how i see dating and relationships, ino i'm really really serious, and i realize that alot of ppl dont so much like that, so i scare them off, but i belive in our power to make decisons (earlier blog) and i'd really like to be ready for my future wife when we finally meet (if we haven't already). i belive god can do nething for me, and i belive something special is gonna happen soon, i really really do belive that something is about to happen that's gonna totally blow me away ... i think i'm ready... another blog later today

Donnie Darko

so i just finished watching donnie darko, and if you haven't seen it it's about a guy who basicly gets lucky and then does a bunch of bad stuff, gets a new girlfriend and ends up getting his girl friend killed bcuz of what he's doing. so he realized that he can travel back to when he got lucky and die in that accident, adn everything that was bad that he did doesn't happen, and the girl that he didn't even know at the time is still alive, so everything is happier.

So i started thinking, if i could go back to when i first met with meghan, would i still meet with her if i knew what was going to happen. and u wanna know the answer? well, i was thinking about how if i never met with her i couldn't have made her think that leaving this guy was a good thing, and i wouldn't have out her thru the pain of making a decision between us, and i wouldn't have gotten myself into trouble for being with her when she was still with her old boyfriend, and all around u would think i'd be better off. well i dont, i think that if i never met her, matthew would be screwing her right now, and they'd be doing it for another 3 weeks straight, and uno what? i think that matthew would just go off as soon as she was gone and get another girlfriend. to have fun with. well i'm not for that, so for as much shit as i put every1 thru, i'm glad i did it. if it really is over, then it's over, i'll deal with it, but i do not in any way regret what i've dont with meghan in the last 3 months...


coincedence... our 3 month aniversiary would be the new death day (06/06/06....666....satan's number) w/e

Memorial Day

Memorial day is a day that we are supposed to use to remember all the soldiers who have died protecting our freedom, and the freedoms of others. now, i consider myself decently lucky, i mean i haven't ever known any one who has died in service, i mean there have been my grandfathers, but that was old age. but ino my time is comming, i know 3 ppl personally going into service next year, and ino of many more that are as well, and if we stay at war in iraq, i'm pretty sure that i'll be remembering them in the years to come. but in many ways this isn't a sad thing, they gave thier life for prolly the best cause there is, other people, and all the people ino that r going into the military would stand infront of anyone and take a butllet for them, even if they had never seen the person b4. this is kinda a depressing time, i'm growing up and i really wish i didn't have to at times, but ino it's al for the better, and if how ever many trillion did it b4 me, ino i can do it too

Good luck to JT (Marines) Sean (AF academy) and Mark (West Point)

Youth

ok so the question of the day is: Is some1 ever too young to make a big decision?
ok so the obvious answer is yea, i mean there's no way a 10 year old is going to be mature enough to choose which house to buy, they're not going to think anbout who exactly's gonna live in it, where it's located or how long they'll be paying it off. but they can still choose right? so... the broader spectrum question is: When is some1 mature enough to make a consience decision, and live with the consequences (good or bad) of that choice? (well the question just got alot longer...haha) neways, i belive that on standard, ne1 in highschool CAN make one of those decision, but they may not WANT to. take schooling for example. I dont think most people realize how much responsibility is placed on them in highschool. no not like staying out late and not getting arrested and ish nish like that, but doing ur homework, actaully learning things and pacing urself to do well in all ur classes. Ok look at it this way, we're in highschool and we get homework due the next week, we CAN do it now, but we dont WANT to, sooner or later we pretty much have to. alright, so, back to the question and answer, when can a person make a conscience decision? as soon as they want to, that could be yesterday, today or tomorrow. so the moral of the story is... u can do nething u want to, just as long as u really try for it. here's to a great future and a beautiful life ;)

i raise my glass to all those who belive in what we can set our minds to and to all those who will

Irie

What is Irie? Irie is a state of mind where u have complete nonchalantness. my sister asked in Jamaica what exactly irie was and the responce she got was the feeling of being high. now i know that not everyone has experienced it, but it's like this feeling, almost to the point of understanding, that the world doesn't so much matter and that all thing work out . the closest thing i've come to the essence of irie is "Just relax, let go of your problems, and believe" it's all gonna work out in the end the exact way it;s supposed to. i'm not fully sure if u all can follow this, but pretty much, just do what u feel like doing, and dont worry!!

Little Things...

yea so this one's about little things... kinda like the good charlotte song, but i hope u like mine better... neways, i got to thinking about all the people in my life, and how much they mean ot me, and all the little things that they've done that makes me love them (oh, and i figured out another word for the love for ur girlfriend..."i'm crazy about them"... only one person get's that but i digress) so yea i figured out how many people i love, and it's kinda strange the list i have, my whole girlfriends family, as odd as they may be, i'd stand by them if they needed me mainly her, her sis and bro, and her mom, but neways then there's a group from school that are cool kids, but i think that there's only a few guys i'd stick with no matter what, all my swim buddies a pretty much love somehow.

So anyways, what makes us love some1, there's the whole choice issue, and yea, read on that if u want... but what makes us go crazy for our significant other, feel the brotherhood from our buddies, and become a tighter family al together... it's the little things, the things that they dont know that they do, it's just the way they are, and the things they're not trying to impress u with that just seem to make u bond with them. like take for example this coment "I care about ya alot...and as mich as Ill miss you when your gone.....you should spend your last days with cameron" i mean dang! dude, he and i dont really have ne beef nemore, but still i wasn't xpecting something like that. and like meghan's mom taking me to dinner, i dont know y, but to be able to have fun with her mom is really important to me. i love all of u, , but to all of u, thanks for all the little things, and i hope i repay u in my own way...

Cam

Mustard faith 2

mmmmmk so pretty much i've been doing a ton of thinking about this, and after a brief counsling with some1 totally smart, i realized that even with all the questions about it, i should still go and to least persue it. a quote i found kinda half way motivating was "all truths go through 3 stages, first they are riddeculed, then they are fought against, and then they are accepted as self-evident" so pretty much, i'm gonna do my best adn see what it leads too... this otta be fun...

Integrity

so this morning my pastor was talking about integrity and to put it simply... integrity is living above reproach.... basicly cover ur butt on nething that could possibly be taken the wrong way. like if u send an email to some1 that could be taken the wrong way, send a copy to ur girlfriend, or boyfriend, and let them know what's going on. That way, u dont have to worry about ne drama, and it'll only raise thier trust in u. trust is huge i mean seriously it's the base of every good relationship. so pretty much integrity will strengthen ur relationships.

integrity is what u do when no one's looking

if u have intrgrity nothing else matters, if u dont have integrity, nothing else matters...

try to live with integrity, it'll get u ahead in life

Mustard Seed Faith...maybe?

ok so this is like what happends when u watch movies like "the butterfly effect" and "donie darko" along with "fight club" and "a beautiful mind"....

what if there is a way to be present in two places at once, if we all are bound by our own limittions put on ourself, what can we really do?

ok to start this off, we all have limitations on ourselves, and once we break that limit, we can do so much more, but we still seem to set another limit up. take running for example... how long did it take for some1 to break the 4 minute barrier (aka limitaion) in the mile.... well how long has the earth been around.... but then as soon as it was broken, something like 6 other people within a year all broke it right afterwards. This shows that we're capable to doing better, we just dont think it's posible, that's our problem we think to much. what would happen if one day we truely belive that we could do nething... *for those who belive the bible: it says that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could move a mountain* so, if we have in us the power to shift mout everest over a few miles, what's stopping us from being present (maybe not physically...but) in 2 places at the same time. Can we ditch our bodies and become a "ghost" miles away? what if the whole matrix(another movie that should be added to the list at the top) idea of the possiblity of pushing past all those rules and breaking free of all the restrictions and doing nething and everything...

well, this is tripping me out way too much. i'm gonna give up on writing about it tonight, mybe i'll figure it out sometime... who knows, if i do, i'll have another post about it..till then the mustard seed faith is only a theory...

Cam

Love1

ok, so this is completely open to everyone, the topic inspired earlier tonight by another blog. "Can you go wrong with love?" and with that was do love and forever belong or fit togeher. can some1 go wrong with love,

simply yes,
love is a choice, much ezer to be made to love some1 then to stop loving some1, but still a choice. it's like a magnet, if u choose to bring them together and they stick, and if u choose to bring them apart, they still WANT to stick, but uno that they SHOULD be apart. yea ino it blows, but think about it, we all wnt to be in a relationship, but we have to choose some1 to be in it with, and once we're in that relationship, we dont want to let go, even when we should. Now, with that in mind, yes, u can go wrong in love by chooseing the wrong perso to be with. lets say u choose a person who seems perfect, and then they get less and less perfect, and soon enough u realize that this is not the person u chose to be in love with. Yes, it is still the same physical person, but is it still the same person u saw on the inside that made u love themin he first place. this is where loving some1 can be wrong. if they rn't the person u want to be with, y are u wasting (yes wasting, not spending) time with them? when u could be using that time to find some1 who really is who u want to love.

now on the forever issue... true love is forever, in true love, the person u fell in love with is the actual person who stands before u, and uno that they're still the same as the first day u met them.

well it's time i rested up for practice in the morning...
Cam

Just Do It

first off, this is in no way directed to ne1 who can possibly be reading this so dont get ne ideas. second, it is only how i am feeling right now, maybe in a fw hours even i'll feel all better but right now i gotta write.

so saturday my grades came in and basicly i'm doing pretty bad, and now i'm in trouble and cant go do nething because i need to understand all my crap. neways, this isn't even the worst part of it all, the worst part is that ino i should, ino i should get caught up in everything and that i should really finish high school doing well... so here's where the title comes in... there r times i just want a few friends to sneak me out of my house, drive me around and make me feel better, i mean i've done it for other ppl, when is karma gona catch up with me? y cant ppl just do what they feel like, if it doesn't literally kill some1 and it doesn't really hurt themselves, why cant they go and do exactly what they feel like... i cant leave this house cuz i dont have a car, and i cant call up my best friends cuz they cant drive. kaz, ur prolly working or sleeping so ur out too....

so the moral of all this is... JUST DO IT! dont ask questins, dont wait till the time is best, just follow the road and make the turn