The good girls...

so as I'm sure a few of you have noticed (if not only two minutes ago) I changed my name/identity/whatever myspace calls it. reflecting the old "Nice guys finish last" with a new twist, "Good guys finish with the cleanest record". basically I figure it this way, the guys that get with the girls and may obtain good reputations usually end up without a good girl... the kind of girl guys wanna finish up with (hereinafter refered to as A girls ;)

So A girls are the ones all guys want to end up with. The ones who haven't been around the world (ya, not just the block) but could have. they are the ones who wanted to hang out, just cuz I'd be fun. They are the ones who made every guy think that they had a chance, but still could reject a guy without crushing him (and didn't deny us). They are the girls who surprise you when you hear what they did last weekend, but still keep thier innocence and appeal.

Now nice guys have a great reputation, they will take care of you at a party. they'll figure out how to make that horrible day a little better. They are the ones that get dumped because a girls isn't ready for a guy like them. They are the ones that will hold a debt over your head, not to make you owe them but to subtley remind you that you don't owe him, ever.

Now as far as my experiences go, A girls look for guys who know how to have fun but aren't just looking for a good locker room story (and they much prefere no locker room stories be shared about them). and they also look for guys who are selfless and would go out of thier way to help you.

SO, basically A girls look for nice guys, who sadly may feel like they're finishing last at the moment, but in the end will have the A girl they (and everyone else) has been wanting.

Can it? Will it? Could it?

Most likely no, no no never ever....... but why not? oh how life loves to bend me over and do things to me that are illegal everywhere but Amsterdam.... WHY?!?!?!


I know what I need, and that I can live without it.
I know what I want, and why I don't want it.
I know who you are, yet you're a complete mystery.
I think about you a lot and how it used to be.
I wonder if I could change what I choose, would I feel this way.

I know I've done some stupid stuff, but now I feel alone, it's been years since I felt this distanced from everyone I've had any feelings for. LIFE IS SO GAY!

and no, no comments on this one, sorry guys...I just dont feel like getting any more pissed...message me if you want

All My Life

To girl 1:
We were great and you know it. Something changed and I messed up and now the only time I've heard from you in about a year is because I was playing a joke.. I know something changed between us and I wish you would have been able to tell me. No I'm not jealous of your new boyfriend, he's a great guy and all and I'm glad you're with him. I know I did some stupid stuff but I miss our fun, the games you didn't enjoy, but loved to go to to be with me, I even wandered around the saturday market thinking about our trip. I really hope he works out, or whoever you find works out cuz you were so perfect, you deserve the best.

All my life I've been searching for somethin'
Somethin' never comes, never leads to nuthin'
Nothin' satisfies, but I'm gettin' close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope

To girl 2:
I doubt you will ever read this, considering the last words you've said to me. But, if you do read this send me a message back, I'd love to hear from you. I know you said it'd be best if I stopped talking to you, but I kinda miss you, it's been over a year now since you called last September. It was great to hear your voice again. I biked half way to your house over the Summer, but I figured you'd rather not see me. Yea, I've had relationships in the past year and they've been fun, but nowhere near as serious as with you. I'm sure you remember the night at bridgeport as kiddish and naive, and no doubt it was, but I gotta admit I've never been happier then those few months. And no I'm not begging for you back, no I'm not asking you to come hang out, I'd just like to talk to you again, as a friend, catch up on the last year and maybe hang out at starbucks for hours. But like I said I don't expect you to even get this, or read this or pay any attention to this. I'm just reminiscing, Hope you found what you were looking for.

All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around, and it's takin'away
Leaves me with the feelin' that I fear the most
Feel it come to life when I see your ghost

To girl 3:
I still don't understand what you are looking for. If I was there I was what you wanted, if I wasn't you went for other guys. And finally it was broken off, and I do feel bad for coming back and complicating things, I just wanted to make sure your mind was made up, and I hope whoever you choose is making you happy. Because if he isn't you need to find someone who does, I hung around your friends for a whole day cuz it made you happy that I was there, and I hope other guys want to do that too.

Calm down, don't you resist
Your such a delicate rist
And if i give it a twist
Somethin' to hold when I lose my grip

To girl 4:
Ya I loved the way I could take the upper hand, but sometimes I wish you could have stepped up acted like the older, more mature woman, you are. Honestly I'm glad you found another guy. As nice as being bought back sounds, I think you need to take charge and make some decisions, it'll help you more then you know to just get used to being the superior. It's going to be fun to see you again someday, find out how far you've made it, and sooner to see how much better I was then them :-p

Will i find something in there,
to give it just what it needs
another reason to bleed
One by one, Hidden up my sleeve

To the girls I didn't go out with:
1) Ahhhhh you played me for 4 years and still have me in the palm of your hand, I'm glad we still can talk and that you trust me. Maybe someday we can get that coffee.

Hey, don't let it go to waste
I love it but, i hate that taste
Weight keeping me down

2) You have a way of making me smile, even when I'm already having a good time teasing my sister you make it that much better.

Will I find the believer
Another one who believes
Another one to decieve
Over and over, down on my knees

3) Distance just doesn't work, so i wish you didn't move away, you were on prolly the saddest day of my life, and I thank you for being so nice and introducing me to other people.

If I get any closer, I
And if you open up wide
And if you let me inside
On and on, I've got nuthin' to hide

4) You were the farthest away and we only had one date, but that was a fun dance, and I'm sorry for how it abruptly ended, and I really wanted to make it up to you, but things didn't work out that way, but you're having fun in the sun now.

Done, done, and I'm on the next one
Done, i'm done, and I'm on to the next ...
Done, done; on the next one
Done, I'm done; i'm on to the next one

Try and figure those out :-p

Oh man....

So school has finally started in Oregon (actually we're already on our 2nd week...:-p) and ya LIFE UPDATE TIME haha so as many of you know I've retired from the sport of swimming, and yes all the horror stories are true, you do get fat, but if you keep working out you should be ok. in 6 short months I've already climbed the ladder of lard and broken the 200 barrier. Thank God I don't look too bad though.
anyways about college, I'm going to OSU and ya, it's raining, but i think I'll like it here, I may not have quite as much freedom as last year, but it's enough and I think I learned some stuff over the summer that'll keep me focused this year. My classes are unbearably pathetic, I think my elective classes will be the places I learn the most.
As far as girlfriends and what not goes, there are a few prospects, and one way out infront, but a few factors really mess with that and I'm not sure what I want (ya ok guys...I know that's the girl thing to say, but seriously, it like hit me pretty hard this last month that I'm prolly gonna meet my future wife here, or something related to here so I dont know if I want the instant gratification sort of relationship or the one that's just perfect, and sometime I really can't tell the difference)
Ithink I'm also going to have to add a car update... well just a car section in general because over the summer I bought a 1987 Toyota Celica GT (no she doesn't have a name yet so sugstions are welcome) anyways the only background u need to know is the poor thing is totally stock, down to the speakers when I got it, replaced all the speakers with some cheap ones that work, only to have my deck go out this past weekend while nearly flying down 99..... by that i mean the poor 4 cyl. engine was pumping at 4500 rpm and I was zipping along at 110 (and I laughed at mapquest's 1:05 when I showed up in a little over :30) so now I have to replace that... oh well $100 bucks and I should be set.
not sure what else there is to say so peace!

Could be worse

ok so What makes a bad date? hmmmmm how about no phone, girls complaining and extreme awkwardness.... ok no phone mean no numbers, means no more. Girls complaining means you fail, they'd rather be with other ppl and no more. And awkwardness speaks for it'self.... damnit, I thought it was gonna be easy.

You know what would be awesome, if they felt the same way and wanted a more...just me sort of date

:( sadness

So I'm spending my last minutes at Hiedi's house writing this cuz I just thought of something and it really sucks, we dont always have an 'easy road' to walk down.... in fact most of the time there is no such thing as an easy road... just a bunch of hard ones. and it seems like sometimes no matter what you choose it'll be wrong, but I'm learning that just cuz it's hard doesn't mean it's wrong. it could be what you have to do, and who knows maybe it'll work out even better later, like in another year or something... I dont know, but I do know how I feel and that's all that really matters now.

The Legend

decisions

I've always wondered what leads us to choose what we do. i guess it's all based on what will make u happy, some people base it on temporary happiness, and others base it on thier long term goals, but either way, it's what they want. what i wanna say is that if u have a long term goal and u want it more then anything else, make all your short term decisios to get u closer to that goal. even if it means not being quite as happy in the short run, but if your other goal is really that important then u should relize that if u want that goal u have to give up other things.

Take a toy when u were a kid for example, u had an allowance and ur mom said u have to save up for it if u really want it. so u start saving and when u have most of the money (but not all) u see something else hat u wanna have, and u have enough money for it, so u buy it, but u still want the other toy so u start saving again. now after a few more weeks u could have had enough money for the toy u really wanted, but now u dont, and u have another toy that in't as good.

so u see, maybe u were happy when u got ur new toy, but if u would have given up that toy for the one u really wanted u could have had it. and it's possible that u will sav up the money next time and u may have gotten ur short erm happiness and ur long term happiness, but not everything works that way... the toy may become out of stock or the price raised, and it's the same with anything else in ife, give me an example and i'll show u

Love(maybe part 2.. i dont remember)

so recently i've been thinking about love... not all that hard to..... but i get to thinking about what love is, and i'm no amazing prodigy (guess i'm too old anywys) cuz I can't think up an easy explination. so i'll just do my best.

Love,
It's feeling exactly what she's feeling, and doing everything you can to fix it
It's waking up to her call in the middle of the night and talking to her till she feels better.
It's leaving her things to smile about where she doesn't expect them
It's surprising her at every chance you get
It's giving her more then you ever expect to get back
It's realizing you want to be with her, and only her
It's giving up your saturday night with the guys cuz she wants to watch the notebook
It's wanting to spend the rest of your life with her
It's never giving up on her
It's doing what she wants when she wants
It's finding a way to make her smile
And it's amazing

been a while / update

soooo basically iwas reminded that i haven't wrtten a blog ina long time and i thought u all might wanna know aittle bit about what's going on in my life. i have finals this next week so this week is filled with studying and stress and sleepless nights... hey y'd u think i'm writing at 1:30 in the moring.... not doing all that great in my classes, but no u cant blame ur grades on a bad role model. but u can blame goodgrades on me... i odnt mind that.

anyways what brought this blog about was a guy that i barely gotthe chance to meet, he posted a little stid bit on telling people how u feel about them..... well geeze... prolly the earliest i've ever seen anyone catch that... now if he can do it,he'll be so far ahead of the game, e could prolly land a nice 25 year old buisness woman .....yea a rch one:-p haha no but seriously, if he figures out how to tell people everything n the right way, he can go so far. I hope no1 gets offended by this because seriously it's not ment to, but if u tell some1 something straight from the startu may not exactly like the immediate results, but it'll save alot down the road a bit. try it guys... good relationships, nothing is hidden, only the surprises are withheld. I'm sure i've talked about Rob before (he was my youth group leader that actually connected with me) he has told me ALOT and thank God just about every day for him cuz he's helped me talk to so many people that i'd have to clue what to say, but because of him ino the basic line of what i can say. Anyways he once told me one of the things that he knows really helped him... it was along the lines of living with integrity, he sad that hetells his wife about anything that could possibly be wrapped around to be turned agains him. he sad basicallty "u gotta only do what u should be doing and cover ur butt". if he writes an emal of encouragement to a girl and in there he says anything about how good of a person she is, he will foward a copy to his wife just so that she knows what he is doing. I hope I can do that for my wife and that we will make it until death because of it...

ummm yea that's all for now, gotta go finish up writing about how BF Goodrich made some brakes they knew didn't wrk at all, and still sold them to the government... not a smart idea if u ask me...


email me if u want anthing!
Cam