what’d you expect?

Man… I haven't had any good thoughts for a while so I'll elaborate on something I told Shellie, or that Shellie read, that I said… "What'd you expect?" When you think it through, what do you really expect out of anything? To start, expectations are way different than hopes. Hopes are more of an idealistic view on what could happen. Expectations are what should happen. So now rethink about something that you are investing in; emotionally, physically, however you look at it. Now think about what is supposed to happen, what you really see happening in your head as this thing goes on. Ok got it? Is it reasonable? Because, if it's not reasonable then it's not what you expect. So now that you've come to terms with what you believe, isn't what's gonna happen (or has happened) what you expected

F (pronounced: "efffffffff")

One of the greatest feelings is waking up knowing someone loves you, similarly one of the worst is waking up realizing you should be loved, but you're not; that you did everything right and put it out there and it was picked up, inspected, enjoyed, and then rejected. Today has been up and down, realizing that I am what some girls are going to be looking for, but then I start to think about how I found one that enjoyed me, and I enjoyed her, but life screws me over again and she isn't one for a relationship. What is it about girls that don't want to have a boyfriend? Do I just send signals that I don't want a girlfriend either and so they join with me in a mutual single relation? It really pisses me off, when did girls decide that they want to stay single? (Controversy right here :) I mean are they all wanting to be sluts, but making it legit because they don't have a boyfriend. It's bull, I'm still waiting for a girl that really cares for me the way I care for her, and after 20 years, I've only found one girl who did for a little over a year, in the grand scheme of things, ladi-fucking-da, no offence, but after her I've been cheated on (more than once, by more than one girl), left for ex boyfriends (that didn't end up working out), used, (I mean it sounds like I'm a chick, but when does this ever happen to a guy? ) I'm ready for something real, and not the pathetic immature fun times that I keep finding.